Sun, 23 Dec 2007 21:32:36 GMT

i'm seriously sick of this

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 02:48:35 GMT

i need something or someone to make me happy.
i need someone to go through this with me.

i don't want to eat anymore.
i don't want to live anymore actually
hmm.

if it's lonely where you are, come back down.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 16:36:30 GMT

the past 10 days have been so hard. it's still hard for me to grasp knowing that you're gone. nothing will be same without you. who will make us laugh? who will do all the things you always did? you always cooked us the best dinners and gave us all jobs to do. you always gave me so many nicknames. "Busty BriAnna" cause you said my boobs were always popping out and always accused me of wearing a push-up bra, and I always laughed so hard. or "Beatrice". You used to call and we'd speak french to eachother. All the funny stories, noone could tell them like you. You'd say the most outrageous things. You always were the loud one but we all loved it that way. The way you'd scream across the table at a restuarant, it was what we went for. I don't think I ever will get over this. as soon as i wake up your the first thing that pops into my head. i know you're looking over us, and we tell the funny stories about you to eachother just to get by. you were truly a blessing and gift to our entire family. and everyone i know would agree. living at your house will never be the same. without you waking me and jill up saying "BITCHES GET UP!!!!! GET THE FUCK UP!!!!!" and then me waking up to you in your underwear getting ready for work, and when i would say what the hell are you doing in your underwear you would tell me "don't look at my crotch!" and we'd laugh. those are the times i miss most.

i remember the day the hospital visits started. the first time we took you to the hospital, because you fell and cut your finger and aunt terri said we had to go because you might need stitches, then we saw your leg swelled up. we thought it was just minor. all the doctors who kept sending you home. it's all their fault and it kills us all inside knowing if they did more, you could still be here.

all the nights we wanted to play monoply on the dining room table, but you guys slept on that little futon connected to the dinig room, and all we'd hear is GET THAT FUCKING GAME UPSTAIRS YOU IDIOTS WE'RE SLEEPING and we'd just laugh and keep going. or a couple years ago when i was homeschooled and i'd stay with you guys for weeks at a time, and every thursday me you and jill would go out to breakfast at Mom's coffee shop. those were the days.

the wake was tough, really tough, it made it real, even though i still couldn't grasp it. it took everything in me to go up to the casket but i knew i had to do it. you would want me to. and i knew i'd regret it if i didn't. the burial was the toughest i think. seeing the little marble box, with your ashes inside. it was real that you aren't here anymore. not even your body. you're gone, just like that.

i just really felt like i needed to write this to get a lot of things off my chest, even though i cried through it all it was worth it.

i know i didn't say it enough and it's something that pushes on my shoulders now, I LOVE YOU UNCLE GREG.

RIP <3 10.04.07

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 04:18:36 GMT

i wish i didn't cry every time i thought about the 3 of us always being together.

i wish this wasn't so hard.

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 07:02:13 GMT

friends only.

she said, "you're a touch overrated"

if it's lonely where you are, come back down.